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I can't help but feel like this is going to get personal which means it will only be hosted for a day or two and then deleted. Well after I realize that I'm not actually as insane as I might have been during such time of writing crap.

So I write about being here. Right now in this moment of yet again being home alone. The rents are out of town and I've done nothing but drink a slurpee due to heat. Apparently its a best seller since there were barely any cups nor lids available. I did clean a little my room that is. I guess that can be counted as an accomplishment. It's like I'm slipping further down a drain. I can't climb out and but neither am I going all the way down. There just to so much crud around that i'm just stuck falling down a bumpy pipe. So what would you do if you were in my position? I could build a sand castle. But that take to much effort.

Instead I just stay as always nothing pushing me forward to do anything anyways. Feeling blue is so lame. I guess that color could possibly explain my crummy mood. Then again having nothing to do usually brings this type of depression. I hate physically being alone. Gods there but just being alone physically sucks. An empty home no one to call or pick up to give me an answer that will satisfy me.

The day just started off wrong. I think it was like 8AM Having breakfast when my father announces that I am never aloud to be happy and officers cuff my handsome boyfriend with long locks to be jailed for who knows how long. So I run after him for a kiss on the lips but he pulls away and says "No, we can't kiss. . . Not until you meet me at the alter" OMG! He just asked me to marry him. And so what can I do. I hug him. I hug him like no tomorrow. At that moment I feel safe. But then a tone of music, something familiar starts repeating a transalvanian song. When I open my eyes waking up to reality I see the name BUTCH on my cellphone I answer and I am officially awake. its now 11:23AM.

Realizing I am awake I understand I am alone and hot so since the rents are gone I blast the air conditioning. 45 Degrees feels beautiful. An Eat my left over burger from last nights nations run. Then watched some more lost I believe im halfway through season 1.

I can't stop the thoughts thinking "Is this how it will always be?" To impatient to think of anything better but to linger on what isn't even there. Hmm at this point I guess so. Fantasy always beats reality.

Blah blah blah lamo I'm going to go shoot something now.
Sining off,
Ms. I'm in a crappy mood!